Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Just 2 More Clicks

These last few weeks have really been bad for business, it looks like this month will show a profit of less than half of what a week would have brought in last month. For the first time ever I actually considered closing the business and getting a (gasp) real job but then I remembered something from my days in the Marines. We would be doing a forced march and some new Marine would inevitably start cramping up and be ready to drop out. We would simple encourage him to continue with the words "it's just 2 more clicks (kilometers) Marine, you can make it" Nobody wanted to give up so close to the finish so he would reach down inside and pull out strength from no place to continue marching what would more than likely be a lot further than 2 more clicks.I once watched a Marine cover 24 miles of ground 2 clicks at a time, with a broken ankle.

This is like that, I can't see the end of bad days ahead yet I know I can make it another 2 clicks so that's what I will do, I will continue to push forward 2 clicks at a time until I reach the end of troubled times.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Employee Handbook

Employee Handbook
If you think your employer is tough, try working here.


It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers and carrying a $600 Gucci Bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress somewhere in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.


We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.


Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.


This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.


Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.


Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast.


Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation, and input should be directed elsewhere.

Have a nice week!